Sunday, 19 February 2012

Ramblings: Isn't He Lovely?


I was watching the television news last night and I was moved to contemplate evil. It wasn’t a feature about crazed despots or ethnic cleansing. It was Whitney Houston’s funeral and what set me thinking was Stevie Wonder. I firmly believe that his entourage is made up of twisted sadists.

I worked with a woman who had endured an annual childhood ritual. Every Christmas time, she and her brothers would be dressed up in matching novelty outfits and made to pose for photographs. For example, one year might be miniature reindeer suits, the next pixies and elves. The pictures would then be paraded around and the ensuing hideously embarrassing results would resound for many years to come, causing teenage blushes and haunting the siblings into adult life. Evil does exist and was clearly alive and well in 1970s suburbia. I imagine that all those children have deep rooted psychological scars. Strangely, the woman in question kept up the ritual and subjected her own son to the annual humiliating photograph in what I can only imagine was an act of embittered revenge.

My next example would be the naming of children. The ranks of people who manufacture odd children’s names are the scourge of the Western world with babies named after foreign countries, naff celebrities and domestic appliances. I heard of a teenage girl recently who named her child Harry Beau. Clearly she had a penchant for the Haribo Tangfastic (as most of us do). It’s not much further behind Emma Royd or Candy Cane in terms of deviant cruelty. Social services number anyone?

Forget the Moors Murderers, Hitler and Pol Pot, there’s a very cruel and sadistic group of torturers surrounding Stevie Wonder. I can imagine the scene now as this evil band of people choose hideous clothes and encourage further outlandish hairstyles for a poor old blind man.

Stevie walks in wearing a multicoloured baggy waistcoat and Aladdin pants with an elaborate set of beaded cornrows.

“So, how do I look?” says Stevie

“Amazing!” they all shout in unison, stifling giggles.

“So do you think that thing I do where I sing whilst swaying my whole body and holding my face up to the sky with a massive inane grin on my face is still a good look?”

“Oh yes, Stevie. Don’t ever stop that one. It looks fabulous. People love that one.”  they titter.

Evil, I tell you. Pure evil.

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